Friday, January 12, 2007

Starting a New Job

I started a new job this week, and I’m feeling kind of frazzled and exhausted. It’s that weird, uncomfortable feeling of not really knowing what I’m doing, not really knowing everyone, not really understanding the relationships and hidden agendas, wanting to contribute but being afraid that what I’m saying doesn’t make much sense because I don’t really know what I’m doing yet…. all these things combined. I know that it takes a few weeks (or months!) to really feel at home in a new job, so I know that I have to be patient and let myself become accustomed to this new role… but it’s hard, none-the-less.

Also, the topic of the first project I’m working on at my new job is one that I have little experience with, and it’s a pretty stressful topic: end-of-life issues for children in the pediatric ICU (PICU). The study I’m working on is to create a tool that PICUs can use to figure out if they are doing a good job with … to put it bluntly… kids who die. Are they having a “good death” is the question at hand. Every time I say that, it kind of makes me cringe. It’s a fascinating ethical topic to study, but it's hard to separate --especially being a mother -- my own feelings about kids dying. So this is going to be quite challenging…. Wish me luck.

No comments: