Monday, November 05, 2007

Child-free weekends?

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Manic Mommies, this morning on my way into work. The topic of discussion was divorce, and the guest, who was describing her experience of deciding to get a divorce, going through the process, etc. was describing her custody sharing arrangement with her ex-husband. She gets the kids on this day and that day, he gets the kids on that day and this day, and then each gets the kids on alternate weekends. Suddenly, Kristin and Erin, the hosts, were quiet as this idea sunk in.

"You mean: you get to be without the kids every other weekend?"


"No kids, every other weekend."

"Wow. Kind of sounds good, doesn't it?" commented one of the Mommies. And they all laughed about the "perks" of divorce.

Well, I'm not considering divorce, but I really like the idea of a weekend off every now and then. Why can't non-divorced parents arrange for something like this? Why is it that only the divorced that get to experience some alone time?

I know a few people who are divorced, and I have considered this issue before. In spite of all the tsores (that's "trouble" in Yiddish) and all the heartache, there is something to be said for some separation. I've heard of a couple that got divorced, and now the husband comes over for dinner every night to spend time with the kids, and they get along better than ever, but what they have now is: space. I've heard of a couple who got married, hated it, got divorced, one of them moved out into the house next door, and now they are happy as clams. Maybe marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe the idea of having some space, some alone time, isn't so bad.

And the idea of a kid-free weekend is: heavenly.

The problem with weekends in my house is that we are both jockeying for alone time. My husband has errands he wants to do; I have things I want to do. It seems that all we do is fight about who gets to do what he/she WANTS to do and who gets time with the kid. If one of us was alone with Jordan, it would be clear whose responsibility he was. But with both of us at home, neither of us is satisfied.

There has got to be a solution that doesn't include divorce. Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am with you on the desire for a child free weekend every once in a while. Not real practical since my daughter still nurses and I would feel extreme mama-guilt since she is in daycare full-time, too, but once every 3 months would make me a better mama. Right after I stop nursing, of course.

It could be an anti-divorce thing. Happy parents make happier spouses, really.