Monday, September 14, 2009

No buffer

Normally, I feel pretty good. People describe me as "calm" and "even-tempered." I can handle things.

Right now, about 50 percent of the time (60? 75 percent?) I feel like I'm going to scream, cry, or punch a wall. This is not good.

The way I've been describing it to people is that when the meds are working well, I feel like there is a layer between me and the world. A buffer. A membrane. It keeps me from reacting harshly to every little thing. But right now: there is no buffer. And it's not pretty.

What's somewhat comforting (although somewhat not) is that women on the breast cancer discussion boards describe feeling this way just from the Tamoxifen. And I also have the triptorelin and the Celexa to contend with. Jeez....


The Fenner Family said...

I am right there with you. That fine line between keeping it together and running from the room with my hands over my ears (and that was after dropping the glass milk bottle and having it shatter all over the kitchen floor...) All while the kids are calling from the other room to make sure that everything is ok. One day at a time, just gotta keep on plugging away.

Upper West Side Mom said...

Do you exercise? Exercise can be so helpful when you are depressed. Even a brisk 30 minute walk can make a huge difference in the way that you feel.

A Mother Always said...

I can understand such days. It helps if you can divert that energy into something like gardening or cleaning out cupboards. Take deep breathes, helps restore sanity and 'the buffer'. God Bless