Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Memories and divorces

I've been humming a song sung by Achinoam Nini, better know as the Israeli singer Noa, for the past few days. What's strange is, humming Noa's songs reminds me of going to a few of her concerts in years past with my friend and her husband. What's even stranger, is that my friend and her husband recently announced that they are getting a divorce. I'm not going to get into the divorce here, but rather on how it affects people on the outside.

So I have this memory of going to this concert with A and this friend and her husband, and loving, loving the music, and now this memory is kind of...well...ruined because I was with my friend and her husband and now I'm kind of pissed off at her soon-to-be-ex-husband and he's in my damn memory! How do I get him out?

The same thing happened a few years ago when another friend had to divorce her husband because of a whole bunch of issues. A and I had socialized with this friend and her husband in better times, and I have a memory of an amazing dinner that we had prepared in A's old condo by a real chef. We had invited this friend and her husband (I don't think they were married at the time) and the chef brought all the ingredients and prepared an amazing dinner for us (I think we'd won it in an auction). I remember enjoying it so much. And again, this memory is sullied by the ex-husband who turned out to be a jerk, but there he is, in my old memory of that day.

Ugh.

I guess it goes to show you that relationships really do have far reaching effects, and the formation and maintenance and dissolution of relationships affect many people: even ones you don't expect.

3 comments:

RivkA with a capital A said...

For the most part, divorce just leaves me feeling so sad.

But I also have a really good friend who just got divorced and whose husband turned out to be a major jerk. I have a hard time integrating all the info:
great memories
friendly conversations
hurt my friend
is dishonest, unfaithful, and an overall bad guy

adena said...

exactly!

Kate said...

Time has a way of letting memory fade, if you let it. Even my own ex-husdands are fading from my memory. I decided to fill my head with new and wonderful memories. Change your focus and you change your life. I hope you'll visit my blog too.