Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Onc appt @ noon

The sun is shining, and the birds are chirping, and the squirrels are busily searching for things to eat, and the day is unusually warm for November...and I have an oncologist appointment at noon. I am inexplicably sad about it. There is really nothing to fear. It's just a check-in. We'll exchange pleasantries, and she'll ask me how I'm doing. I'll tell her I'm doing just fine now that I'm off the study drug and the sleeping pills, and now that I don't have hot flashes and can sleep. I'll tell her that my periods finally came back. Not sure how she'll take that news. And she'll do a physical exam, and all will be well. But I still don't like going. It reminds me of everything that happened, and even though I feel like I'm pretty much past that's still there. And I keep hearing about women being diagnosed with breast cancer, women having recurrences of their cancer, women with stage IV cancer, women dying of cancer. And I'm still scared. And angry.

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