Monday, February 17, 2014

Getting older ain't for sissies

I picked up a copy of More Magazine the other day – a magazine “for women of style and substance” – mainly because it was staring me in the face while I was waiting to check out at CVS, and also because I’m considering submitting an essay to this magazine. From what I read, More targets women ages 30 and up.

Once I started flipping through More, however, I became completely engrossed in the ads – much more so than the actual articles. Of course, there were the usual ads for makeup, jewelry, clothing, and diet products. But there also were other ads that I wasn’t expecting.

 Here is a list of the ads in a recent issue of More. I am not making this up.
  • Age defying makeup and hair products 
  • Night treatment for skin 
  • Hair regrowth treatment 
  • Prescription medication to help with painful intercourse (2 ads: 1 for a pill, and 1 for a cream) 
  • Lubricant for sex 
  • Overactive bladder relief 
  • Fiber for constipation relief 
  • Natural progesterone supplement to reduce the symptoms of aging 
  • And a brand new product, liners that you wear in-between your buttocks for accidental bowel leakage (ABL) 
So what do you think? According to More Magazine’s advertisers, women 30 and over are dealing with dry and wrinkly skin that needs defying, hair that needs re-growing, intercourse that needs lubrication, bladders that are overactive, and bowels that leak, as well as bowels that do the opposite, and jewelry to cheer us up while we wither in our old age.

And this isn’t even AARP magazine.

Ladies, we are screwed.

1 comment:

QueenTimely said...

Aw, Adena. I love your posts, but I don't love having an older body. Except when I consider the alternative, as my father would say.