Thursday, February 27, 2014

Hook-up culture. OMG.


I always thought I was fairly "hip" as far as parents go. I used to be a sex ed teacher, and J and I talk fairly freely about sexual topics. He seems open to asking me questions about sex. It really hasn't been a problem.


Do you know what "hooking up" means? How about "hook-up culture"?

I was at a workshop last night with a group of other parents, and the speaker informed us that the norm nowadays - the NORM! - is to have sex first and THEN to talk to the person afterwards and maybe decide to have a relationship of some kind. But maybe not. The thing to do is to have sex. "Hook up." Period.

That's the norm!


She gave us some historical background. In the 1950s, you were supposed to stay a virgin until you were married (for women, at least, that was expected). Dating was something you did to get to know someone in preparation for marriage. During the '60s and with the rise of the sexual revolution, the feminist movement, and availability of effective birth control, there was more uncommitted sex, "casual sex." But now, she said, "hooking up" has become the norm.

And today: sex first, talk later. WHAT?!?!?!

What about relationship? What about communication? What about love?

None of that, for this generation. It's just sex.


This is from an article I just read on the American Psychology Association website called Sexual hookup culture:
It is an unprecedented time in the history of human sexuality. In the United States, the age when people first marry and reproduce has been pushed back dramatically, while at the same time the age of puberty has dropped, resulting in an era in which young adults are physiologically able to reproduce but not psychologically or socially ready to "settle down" and begin a family (Bogle, 2007; Garcia & Reiber, 2008).
These developmental shifts, research suggests, are some of the factors driving the increase in sexual "hookups," or uncommitted sexual encounters, part of a popular cultural change that has infiltrated the lives of emerging adults throughout the Western world.
Hookups are becoming more engrained in popular culture, reflecting both evolved sexual predilections and changing social and sexual scripts. Hook-up activities may include a wide range of sexual behaviors, such as kissing, oral sex and penetrative intercourse. However, these encounters often transpire without any promise of — or desire for — a more traditional romantic relationship.

I'm going to hide under a rock now. And I'm building a box to hide my son in until he is 30.


Becoming Supermommy said...

I think that's an exaggeration. It't not NO talk before sex, it's just that sex comes before talk ABOUT the relationship.

There's an attitude now (and I think it's mostly healthy) that sex is a fundamental need of most adults. While people are still definitely picky about where they get it, it's not seen as *necessarily* attached to emotional needs. "Going steady," as it were, is what happens after the pair decides that they've built an emotional bond, rather than something that happens IN ORDER to build an emotional bond.

I say this as part of the age of "hook ups." I'm married happily, but when my husband and I started dating, it wasn't until after we'd been having sex for a while that we decided to be officially exclusive. Neither of us see sex as some holy or sacred act- it's fundamentally physical. I'm not saying that sex without love is the only kind of sex, or the best sex, but if the average age of marriage is going to keep climbing past thirty, it's less and less reasonable to expect people to neglect their sexual needs so far into their adulthood.

Davida said...

I can believe that by late college or early adulthood, hooking up could be a non-emotional thing. For teens and those new to all the feelings of relationships and sexuality I imagine that many times people end up hurt. People can say that they are just hooking up but feelings aren't dictated by our rational selves. What is hooking up for one may become major disappointment to the other involved, males and females alike…...